IBS: The Hostage Shituations

If IBS were a person, I'd be serving a life sentence for all the "shituations" it’s put me through—mental, physical, and gastrointestinal! Honestly, how much can one person take? That’s why I started this blog: it’s my therapy, my chance to vent, and my way of sharing all the food science and supplement trial-and-error wisdom I’ve gathered over the years.

One game-changing lesson I’ve learned is that what's on the end of your fork really counts. It’s hilarious how, when I skip self-care eating, I transform into a famished beast with an IBS-trained conscience, constantly reminding me of my poor choices. I think I’m being clever, only for my stomach to deliver a “reality check” with a side of discomfort!

Food is the real MVP, and my mind needs a referee to keep my choices in check. You’d think my vision would step up, signaling to my brain like a pro: "Hey, this could lead to a 'hostage situation!'" But nope, if the food looks good, I’m diving in anyway. Makes sense? It’s like having a referee who keeps throwing flags but can’t stop me from making the same play. Let me paint a picture: you're starving, knowing you need to make a good choice to avoid a "shituation," and you head to the fridge. You spot some string cheese and think, "Protein boost!" So, you go to the cabinet because what pairs perfectly with cheese? Crackers, of course. You grab some gluten-free crackers, thinking, "Balance!" (Remember, this is famished mode—just feeding the beast; calm choices don't stand a chance when you're starving.) But then you're staring at a plate of cheese and gluten-free crackers, and your IBS conscience starts pounding in your brain, warning you that the cheese will wreak havoc. Still, you think, "Hey, it’s not that much, right?" Yeah, not so much—you’re still in for a rough ride.

Even though I can handle more cheese now than before, those processed cheese strings still make my stomach want to lace up the boxing gloves for round one. So why do we do this? Because we need to meal prep or, better yet, stock up on foods that won’t send us into the ring. The best way to win the IBS battle is to arm yourself with the right snacks and avoid those "shituations" altogether!

I’ve been fine-tuning meal plans that have worked really well for me, and right now, I’m on my 15th trial of probiotics in four years. I don’t want to jinx myself but with my H. pylori, colon therapy, and candida cleanup, my digestion has definitely improved. Re-introducing food doesn’t cause me as much trouble as they used to. But I don’t go overboard—my IBS conscience has been my constant companion for over 30 years, keeping me in check. So, I make sure not to indulge too much.

So, Keep Calm and Snack Wisely! With a dash of humor and a spoonful of smarts, we can work on taming IBS!

Tip: Keep handy, easy-to-prepare snacks satisfying and gentle on your digestive system—think fresh fruits, nuts, or a good ol' glass of water. Sip that water through a straw if you want a mind trick that buys you some time. I’ve used it on my kids when they come home from school, too. It’s my secret weapon to tame the beast and get things together before famished mode takes over!

Smart Choice: Opt for balanced meals with a mix of protein, healthy fats, and fiber. Planning your meals and snacks ahead can help you avoid that famished frenzy and make more mindful choices when hunger strikes.

My Go To Quick Snack Solution

Situation: You’re feeling famished and need a quick fix.

Snack Preparation:

Keep Prepped Veggies: Always have sliced cucumbers and carrots ready in the fridge. They’re refreshing, low in calories, and easy to grab.

Protein Boost: Pair the veggies with a small container of hummus or Greek yogurt dip. For extra protein, add shredded rotisserie chicken on the side.

Grab-and-Go: If you're really pressed for time, prepare a snack pack ahead of time: a handful of cut veggies, a portion of dip, and some chicken in a small container.

Result: This quick snack will satisfy your hunger without causing bloating, helping you stay energized until your next meal!

Dip Recipe

Non-Bloat IBS Dipping Sauce

Ingredients:

1 cup plain Greek yogurt (lactose-free if needed)

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 teaspoon fresh dill (or 1/2 teaspoon dried dill)

1 teaspoon garlic-infused olive oil (for flavor without the FODMAPs)

Salt and pepper to taste

Optional: chopped cucumber for added freshness

Instructions:

Mix Ingredients: In a bowl, combine the Greek yogurt, olive oil, lemon juice, dill, and garlic-infused olive oil.

Season: Add salt and pepper to taste. If using, mix in chopped cucumber for extra crunch. NEED THAT CRUNCH

Chill: Let the dip sit in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes to meld the flavors.

Serve: Enjoy with fresh veggies, rice cakes, or gluten-free crackers!

Tips:

Garlic-Infused Oil: This is a great way to add garlic flavor without the FODMAPs found in whole garlic cloves.

Fresh Herbs: Feel free to experiment with other fresh herbs like basil or chives, which are also IBS-friendly.

This dip is not only light and refreshing but also provides a creamy texture without the bloat. Enjoy!