Meditation Madness: When Your Brain Won't Shut Up

Meditation stresses me out! Ever been so annoyed that you can’t close your eyes for even a second without your mind dredging up ancient annoyances? Yeah, that’s been my experience. Clearing out the shituations in my head has been a challenge, to say the least.

At first, I tried chanting meditation, and wow, it was fantastic—I was seriously vibing! But then I moved, and poof—there went my practice. I even tried a guided meditation class once. And let me tell you, I passed out—drool and all! Honestly, I was kind of proud. For the first time, I didn’t remember a thing, and that felt like a win.

Then came yoga and mindful meditation, and that’s when the B.C. (Before Christ) memories started creeping back in. Suddenly, it was like a kid cutting in line—every single thought in my head was shoving and jostling, demanding VIP treatment. Total chaos. Absolutely impossible to ignore.  I found myself in a full-blown mindf***-fight. My intention was peace, but my brain had other plans. “How is this even possible?” I kept asking myself. I just wanted peace of mind

One yoga session stands out—my thoughts dusted off the archives and replayed a vivid memory of my aunt’s broccoli rabe from 40 years ago. Why is that even a thought? Maybe it's because I almost choked on it? Trauma and yoga— what a combo, right? Makes perfect nonsense. And as if that weren’t enough, my brain decided to double down: Why doesn’t anyone in my Italian family know how to handle choking? Oh sure, they’ll slap your back like they’re trying to tenderize meat, but the Heimlich maneuver? Fuheddaboudit. Heimlich, Italian style—brought to you by sheer chaos and panic. Talk about a traumatic dining experience! And just when I thought I’d snapped out of it, another random thought barged in. My eyes wandered over to the woman next to me, and I couldn’t help but notice her gorgeous $100 yoga mat. Of course, that sent me spiraling into yet another thought vortex: Yeah, that’s not happening! I’ll just stick with my bright orange, chemical-infused Five Below special; thank you very much.

This is the kind of nonsense that fills my head when I’m supposed to be focusing on, you know, important things—like my intention for the day. But no, instead, I’m rehashing ancient dining disasters and wishing I had someone else’s overpriced yoga mat. Priorities, right? UGHA!

Why? Why can't I just relax my thoughts? I love this place—the scent of essential oils wafting through the air, the soft-spoken instructor with her calming voice, and the dim lighting that’s just right. It should be the perfect setting for my mind to chill out. 

Well, here is when it all clicked one day when I wandered into yoga on a whim. This session was different—it included an introduction to Reiki (kind of like tarot cards, but with a mystical energy twist). We were asked to pick two cards and lay them down, and after class, we would turn them over to see what the mystical energy had in store for us.

I should mention that the day before this yoga class, I had an epiphany: I would start publishing my writing on the blog I’d built and left sitting for three years. I decided to commit to blogging, no matter the outcome, fully. I reached a point where I thought I had hit the 'now or never' point. I’m turning 53—what do I have to lose? Followers? I don’t have any yet, so... here we go!

Before the yoga class flow began, the instructor asked us to set an intention. Usually, I default to “peace,” but this time, I declared, “I am great!” And you know what? Something magical/mystical happened.

Holy moly! For the first time, it felt like a weight had been lifted. I wasn’t just coasting through the moment for the first time ever; I was truly awake. After class, when we flipped over our cards, I couldn’t believe it—talk about cosmic alignment! It was as if the universe had sent me a personalized message.

One card read: 555 CHANGE – Encouragement, Support, Obstacle, Battle, Calling, Restructuring, Creative Work. You are going to level up! It might not feel good initially, but it will prepare you to handle the greater things in life for your highest good. That’s the "why" you’ve been living for. Push through it—there’s a reward waiting at the finish line.

The other card featured a beautiful, colorful butterfly, and the message was clear: Butterfly Spirit – Transformation is beautiful.

What I was feeling was spelled out in the cards. It was all perfectly in sync.

I went home, thanked the universe, and, yes, kissed my own brain. Why? Because I finally realized I’d been meditating or something like that with the wrong intention—always focusing on my future instead of embracing the greatness I already had in the present.

I know what you’re thinking: “Well, duh.” But hold on! It’s not as obvious as it sounds. We all fall into these typical thought patterns, don’t we? I used to think everyone wanted peace, so I just followed that. I never dug deep enough to pull my true potential to the surface. Until that day, I didn’t even think I had the right to say those words: “I am great.” That day, I finally wrote about all the mesh mush in my head, which changed everything.

I’ve realized meditation isn’t confined to sitting in silence or chanting mantras. It’s everywhere! Whether I’m washing dishes, singing in the shower, walking, praying, vibing to my favorite tunes, or even chatting with myself in the car (pretending to be on the phone for plausible deniability), those are my meditative moments. My happy places! I’m not fighting my thoughts anymore; I’m learning to navigate them.

These little escapes help me connect with my inner self, allowing me to uncover the greatness we all have buried inside. I’ve also discovered that how we phrase things matters. For example, “The opposite of anxiety isn’t calm—it’s trust.” That reframe was a game-changer for me.

As a bookworm and a lifelong learner, I love diving into new ideas and perspectives. And now, I’m embracing the messiness of my thoughts and turning them into something beautiful. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: true greatness lies in the here and now—you must trust yourself enough to feel it.

PS: What about you? Have you ever had a meditation experience that ended up being more chaotic than calming? I'd love to hear your thoughts on navigating the noise in your head and how you’ve learned to find peace, even when it's messy. Share your stories—I’m all ears (and chaos)!